I am sitting here waiting for my class to start and just a lot of things from the past few weeks are floating in my head. The one that is sticking with me the most is me wondering to myself how come people settle for contentment instead of making sure they are truly “happy” in their world of happiness. I know you’re sitting there saying in your mind that it doesn’t make much sense for me to say it that way. Well how else can I say it? Every day there are women sitting back settling for whatever piece of a partner they have in their lives because they rather be a little miserable than lay in bed at night staring at the ceiling wishing they weren’t so lonely. Well I’m here to tell you that instead of sitting there daydreaming of past sensual moments from the ex-boyfriend you kicked out of your life a month ago, you should be trying to find that happiness that got away from you during that extended period of time that he or she sucked the “happy” out of your life.
I know many of you have friends, whether girl or guy, that have had some pretty intensely imperfect relationships and you wondered what kept them holding on so long. I wonder it myself at times as I too have friends in similar situations such as this. Well, I’m here to tell you. If you got that girlfriend who just can’t seem to let go of that deadbeat boyfriend, you should hand them Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
Published in 2010, a must read for women with relationship issues.
I won’t say it will change your friend’s life but it will definitely give her something to think about. I read this book back in 2010 along with a group of co-workers. We all were going through our own little issues and needed some advice in many different aspects. One friend was (is) in an eight year relationship with no sign of a wedding ring in sight. Another friend was in a five-year relationship with someone who had commitment and trust issues. I was in a long distance relationship that I was pretty content with at the time (that’s even better now since it’s no longer a long distance relationship). We were all giving each other advice and not following our own. It was rather interesting table talk to say the least.
At the end of reading this book, I found myself with a better understanding of how men think, where “I” failed as a woman in past relationships and even in my marriage. My failure? I tolerated too much. I was unwilling to accept the things that I cannot change. You know the Serenity prayer that has followed us from generations to generations?
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
I did not have the courage to step outside the relationship and leave all the terrible things that was wrong in it behind for the sake of keeping someone who was not worth keeping. But one cannot truly understand what a failing/failed relationship looks like if you have not accepted that you are/were experiencing one. Of course, NOW I know what happiness is because I am in a relationship that has me extremely happy and not just satisfied or content. I can only sit here praying that the love of my life feels the same way. I do ask by the way. But if I asked two months ago, it doesn’t really mean that the situation is still the same now. So be sure you are asking the right questions and not just assuming how the other person feels. When they walk out your life and you have no clue as to why, only you are looking like the fool in the end for not knowing what is going on in your own relationship … which brings me to my next point … Questions.
If I could give you one piece of advice that will stick with you throughout your livelihood, it would be NEVER BE AFRAID TO ASK QUESTIONS. If you do not ask the questions that surround your thoughts, you will never know the answer. Now, there are pros and cons to this because you can drive your significant other up the wall asking the same question over and over again. You should know when you are being obnoxiously skeptical or when you are genuinely concerned about the answer you received. If you do not BELIEVE your mate, you cannot TRUST your mate. If you do not TRUST your mate, you cannot truly LOVE your mate. As the formula goes, the beginning starts with COMMUNICATION and ends with LOVE.
COMMUNICATION = BELIEF = TRUST = LOVE
It may not be a perfect formula but a formula nonetheless. Your relationship should contain at MINIMUM these four traits. Communication is one of the hardest to achieve on a consistent basis. Women tend to talk to their girlfriends about their problems before they truly address them with their mate. Well, let me rephrase. We address the issue with our mate. They blow us off. We run to our girlfriends. Makes more sense? On the guy’s perspective, they don’t see the problem. They rather have sex than talk or rather talk you into sex if they have to do any talking at all. I laugh while I say this because most men will say this is not true … *gets all dramatic and mimics the male species*
… I love my wife .. I love my girl .. We can talk about any and everything .. I love to hear the sound of her sweet voice (while imaging she’s moaning my name) .. okay, I’ll stop but you ladies get the picture right? Well, it’s time to put the lovin’ back in LOVE. As I’ve stated to many friends and fans in other social media, fix it how you want it or move on from it. Talk to your mate about what’s bothering you and ask them for their feedback as well about what is happening in your relationship. Find out what it is they want out of it .. from you .. with you. This is important so you don’t sit back and waste another half decade of your life holding on to hopes, prayers and dreams when all they want is a cutty buddy to do their laundry or snuggle up with to keep out the cold at night. I surely wouldn’t want to be wasting my time. I’ve had the relationships in the past that have given me everything but what it is I truly wanted … to be loved. Now I have my soul mate who can finish my thoughts and sentences, can give me what I want before I even ask, and who can walk down any grocery aisle or mall with me without looking at someone else with seductive thoughts ballooning over their head. Love comes in all shapes, sizes and colors and cannot be differentiated by any human trait except what is truly in one’s heart. Put the LOVE back in love and get what you deserve. Once you settle, you will continue to settle throughout the relationship until one day your SETTLING meter explodes into confetti and you walk out with time wasted and a broken heart.
Thanks for reading … Take care of yourselves, your hearts and those you love so dearly.